I’M BACK! Get comfy because I have a lot to say so this post may run a little long! It’s been a while since my last blog post and I just don’t have it in me to hold off any longer on the things I want to say and share today. So please excuse this three-part post but I truly believe you’ll find it’s worth the time.
End The Stigma!
Do you ever catch yourself feeling tired? And I don’t mean “sleepy” tired. I mean exhausted with life? Exhausted with having to smile and play along with the “I’m happy” game? Do you ever just sit down and start crying for no apparent reason or for every single reason no matter how big or small? I do. Overall, I have to say I really am happy with my life and who I am these days and overall I love my life! But that doesn’t stop bad things from happening to me. That doesn’t stop feelings from building up and becoming overwhelming every now and then. I think what really sucks the most is that when you’re dealing with all this and it’s too much handle and you’re sitting in your room crying for hours because you’re scared, lost and confused, it’s still not considered important. Why do I say that? You can’t call into work and say “I just had a really bad panic attack so I can’t work tonight”. You can’t tell people you’re canceling plans because you cried so much that day your face and eyes are swollen beyond belief. Work just blows it off. I mean, hey the panic attack is over now so you should be fine, right? WRONG. I don’t know about everyone else but when I experience panic attacks I’m left feeling exhausted. I’m left feeling hopeless and still a little scared. It leaves me so rattled I can barely function. Sometimes they get so bad I become physically sick. Work still doesn’t care. You can’t cancel your plans because first of all who wants to admit they’ve been crying all day to other people? Secondly, as soon as you tell people something like that you get called a baby or crazy for crying that much and you’re told it’s not a good enough excuse. You’re told to get over it and go through with the plans anyway. THINGS NEED TO CHANGE. I’m not saying every minor inconvenience should be a waiver for a free day but there are SO many aspects of mental health that need to be taken more seriously. Not a single person dealing with mental illness should be judged or put down. We should not be told there is something wrong with us. Others should educate themselves on mental health and mental illness to help build a bridge of understanding and empathy. There should be way more access to education and help for people dealing with mental illness as well as people who aren’t. EVERYONE needs to be taught how important mental health is. We need to start teaching our children about anxiety, OCD, Bi-polar disorder and every other mental illness out there. We need to teach our children that it’s okay if they have a mental illness. It’s okay if their friend does. Children should feel SAFE and CONFIDENT about seeking out help whether it be from their school counselor or an outside therapist. This doesn’t just go for children either, this goes for every person, no matter the age. It’s time we start paving a better path for mental health awareness. It’s time that we stand up and share our stories and let others know they’re not alone. It’s time that we put our heads together and figure out what we’re going to do to play our part in ending the mental health stigma! I strongly believe that every little bit of help matters. I encourage you all to find your voice and use it in whatever way you can or feel comfortable doing. Don’t forget we are all beautiful and amazing and that just because your struggles and hardships can’t be seen by others doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You’re not crazy, I promise(:
Update On My Excoriation Disorder (Skin-picking)
Since it has been a while since my last post I would also like to fill you in real quick on how things have been going in my life personally. For some reason, I can’t seem to stop picking at thumbs and the compulsion to pick at them has become a little stronger and they’re pretty torn up right now. I have kept up with putting lotion on my feet but of course, I forget some days. I also recently had a pretty bad episode where I managed to cause a lot of damage to my feet again. Another setback. And just like every other setback, it has been hard not to continue making things worse. I would like to stop here and say that everyone’s skin picking disorder looks differently. We don’t all do the same thing in the same way. For me, it’s picking the skin off my fingers, toes, and parts of my feet. After my skin picking episode last week I looked at my feet and I started to cry. I cried because I had messed up and I cried because I HATED the way my feet looked afterward. So I decided to do something that a lot of you reading this might think is weird. I took pictures of my damaged feet to be a reminder of what happens AFTER the skin picking episode and now I’m about to do something you will think is even weirder and honestly maybe even gross. I’m posting the pictures I took. Why? To show you what MY skin picking disorder looks like. To show you what MY reality is. To hopefully let you know you’re not alone or that someone you care about isn’t alone.
Not pretty I know. To be honest, I’m terrified to hit the publish button right but for some reason, I just feel like I need to. So here it goes. I won’t leave you on this somewhat sad note but instead, I’ll leave you with a slideshow of me and my friends and family at the Raleigh, NAMI mental health awareness walk! One last thing! Feel free to ask me any questions whether it be by email or by commenting on here. I won’t share anything you don’t want to be shared with anyone else but I’m here for anyone that needs or wants to talk. I love you all!